yesterday.
overall the team did well i think=)
sophielo practically bagged all e medals for the T1 events.
gold for250m, silver for1000m and bronze for500m.
the k2s put up a very gd fight as well,
mel& yihang got silver for 500m event!:D
the juniors improved amazingly and im very very proud of em.
some photos: 
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yesterday was the most rotten mother's day in history-
`
i'd woken up and was proceeding to rush off to machritche,
when my mum started this argument with me about spending too much time on PURELY A CCA.
`
so i ended up almost half an hr late.
and was greeted by grunts of " why so late?".
------------------------------------
`
the race proceeded pretty smoothly and the weather looks almost too good to be true.
fair sky, white puffy clouds, minimum currents.u name it.
`
but just as i was paddling up for my event,
it had to start pouring=(
initially i still thought they would start off our event at least, before the rain got heavier.
but the starters just dragged and dragged, making us all paddle aimlessly for 15 mins in circles near the starting line just so that our muscles wouldnt cool down.
`
and den we were informed tt we had to wait till the rain got thinner before the race would proceed. so we just parked our boats beside some mangrove and others the boardwalk.
ended up in the rain for almost half an hr.
so much for contigency...
`
clocked a pathetic timing of 5:20, but at least i didnt get last *consolates myself*
`
by the end of tt set i felt tt my head was swimming,
contacts dried to tiny hard shards covering my eyes.
no sharp pains, just tt nebulous, dull kind of ache where u cant pinpoint e centre.
but u know it will build and build in that slow intensity until u pass out or ur head explodes.
`
then the k2 race was horrific, i totally cant follow yimtong's strokes.
went as far to the semis fourth only.
at first i'd attributed the poor performance to us only having trained on k2 together just once this year.
but i guess it ultimately boils down to my strokes.
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`
thanks to the rain and my handphone pouch with the damn spoilt zipper,
my phone got SOAKED. utterly totally unbelievably soaked.
it was almost swimming in my handphone pouch.
`
but i didnt realise tt until our debrief by haoxia was over.
went to toliet and attempted to revive it using the hairdryer but to no avail.
its officially pronounced DEAD.
`
so i pretty much went home in a very miserable state.
`
was veryvery hungry- wid only 3 slices of bread in my stomach since 5am in the morning.
was veryvery wet and cold with a fever raging.
and was veryvery disappointed with my performance.
`
&i reached home to be greeted wid a storm brewing in the house.
she was angry beyond what i am able to describe.
suffice to say tt it made me contemplate jumping down the 14 storeys just so tt i can make her regret for life.
but sadly, death is not an option.
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i dunno if im just overly heaping myself with self pity.
`
but her insults and critical analysis, of which many are true-
`
made me feel like the most worthless person on earth.
made me feel like i dont deserve any affection.
made me feel like the world would be a better place if i didnt exist.
---------------------------------------------------
`
took an out of campus pass today cause fever hasnt yet subsided.
attended one econs tutorial, another one which i din manage to got my homework done
with the weekend burned by nwkc and prep for chem test.
and almost more den half e class didnt even attempt it.
`
she was so FEDUP tt she promptly announced GIVING UP on our class.
i really felt so screwed up seriously.
`
ive not been coping well in sch, at home, for trngs, in relationships.
studies especially stressed me up to the extent tt i feel like giving up.
now im faced with the cold hard truth that i definitely wouldnt be able to do well for A levels in a couple of mths time if i continue to train at this rate.
`
i know i may sound like some maniac marksoriented-girl-from-hwachong.
but thats the unescapable truth tt i have to face every single day.
`
ct keeps asking me for talks armed wid scoresheets and tabulations of my percentile.
deborahhow keeps asking me "is canoe really more impt than ur future?"
even mr lock asked for a "small talk" and a realistic study plan ( which i haven yet sent).
`
the worse is my mum,
who threatens to lock me out of the house evey single time i leave for trng,
bans me from watching tv,
from using the comp ( when she's at home),
from talking on the phone even if its just ten mins,
from sleeping more than 6 hours everyday,
(she woke me up at 3am last night to study when my temp was still 38.o)
from reading novels,
and from even using my hp to sms.
`
all i can do at home is- watch the news, read newspaper and most importantly STUDY.
i cant even go outside to study for she fears tt "i'll be out with my boyfriend"
`
wad the crap.
----------------------------------------------------
and for the first time,
`
i seriously considered quitting canoe.
`
i know it'll be painful.
and i dunno if it'll be worth it.
`
but what else can i do?
i cant meet everybody's expectations.
`
blame me for not being able to balance my life well.
`
blame me for being a quitter.
`
blame me for being one who shuns away from reponsibilities.
`
blame me for being stupid,
study study&study but i just couldnt get a damn thing inside my head.
`
blame me for letting so many people down.
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`
but i really feel tired. battered. and hollow.
i guess nobody would understand,
even i dun understand it myself.
`
why am i crumbling under the similar pressure tt everybody else is facing?
is it because i have a mother who totally cant understand me.
or isit because i just suck.
`
ive reached my breaking point.
every minute at home is hell to me.
every minute in sch is stress to me.
every minute at trng is just feeling lousy about myself.
and
`
every minute with someone msging me if im okay but not replying,
just makes me feel more rotten for i know i dun deserve tt concern.
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i dunno.......
my thoughts are so diorientated now.
`
anw this will most probably be the last time im updating.
`
till the day when im finally sure of what i want agn.
`
when i finally stop despising myself.
