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Just a short entry before i go for trng ltr!
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finally e long-awaited JUNE HOLS r here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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but i cant help but feel uneasy.
cos i know there will be so many things tt i needa do.
but wun be able to finish.=(
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anyway on a lighter note,
im coping better wid trng now.found back some of e motivation tt was previously lost.
T1 isnt tt bad afterall...u just have to control n balance ur strokes to go straight.
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n i tell u i hate weights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dey r gigantic chunks of cold metal meant to torture!>=(
haha.actually its just tt i cant do deltoid raises.ROARS**!!!!!!!!!
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OH! n yimtong has touched down in spore last night!!!!!!!!!
finally finally shes back to join e team!
her absence only further serves to remind us of how small e team really is.
ah wells....hopefully e touch rugby gals will try coming for a few water sessions n JOIN CANOEING!
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yimtong quickly come BACK!
`
boongan misses u! =D
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hulala.trng aside,
i went to suntec yesterday to catch XMEN3!!!!!!!!!
e show was shorter den i expected...1 hr 45 mins.
but e actionpacked movie indeed delivers what it promises!!!
its SOOOO much nicer den DAVINCI!
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haha.n we saw nobody sitting at those comfy sofas wid coffee tables at e back of e theatre.
so we sneaked up n occupied e seat!
e couch is DUPER cool.cos u can like lie on itn rest ur legs on e coffe table or even bring em onto e seats!
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OH n to those gg to watch xmen 3!
dun leaVE E THEATRE SO EARLY.
wait for all e names to be screened n e song to end.
there will be a short part of e movie in e end.
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yawnz.HAPPY HOLS ppl.
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hope ya spend ur hols meaningfully wid ur loved ones=)
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Now its 12.51am.Officially a Monday.
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Overwhelmed wid questions left unanswered in my mind.and rants left unranted.
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Just hung up on him wid an unhappy note `or maybe im not tt unhappy afterall.
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+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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anyway that aside,
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I'd just seen some of e seniors' blogentries. not to mention tt of a fellow hCanoe guy.
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he said this:
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"we have fundamentally different ideas of what principles the team should be based on. From their choice of design, the girls seem to think that it should be more of fun and camaraderie, but for the guys, we aim nothing less than to win."
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tt statement seems to be implying that e girls r gg for trngs simply for e FUN of it.
simply for e COMPANIONSHIP. simply for the PLAYTIME on water.
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but hell no.
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we train to WIN just as you do.
but maybe your defination of winning is confined to that of a medal n the sch's recognition.
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ours is more than that.
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`winning is not winning when you do not win as a team.
`winning is not winning when u do not relish the trng process.both sufferings n joys.
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we do not ignore our teammates feelings in the hungry chase for SUCCESS.
we do not put others down wid cold cutting words in the drive to WIN.
most importantly,we do not take machritchie as our playground.
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maybe we could hav really pushed ourselves much harder.hardhardhard.
but its totally unjustificable to say that we do not train hard.
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& regarding this:
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"And when can we function like a real team instead of a group split into halves (I'm not opening to debate about which side is more superior than the other because it is pointless; we'll wait till July and see)?"
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i find it pointless too to comment much.
cos we'r not supposed to 'wait till july n see'who's superior yet on e other hand terms such as 'function like a real team' appears one line the former.
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how contradictory.
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but there r still nice ppl on e guys team i've to admit.
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`n i respect their commitment just as dey'd respected ours.
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but dun expect our respect when u doubt our commitment=)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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gosh.i sounded aggressive.haha.
well i wish i could be THAT aggressive on waters.
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wenyi talked bout how she treasures every minute n second in the water now tt her back is injured.
how she has this urge n sense of urgency to give all n beyond wad she has when she paddles.
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yet.i actually refused to go back down to e waters when haoxia told me i can go launch my boat n chose to sit on e shore chatting wid wenyi.yihang.n yanhan during last sat's trng.
i actually dreaded going back to e waters.
i actually GAVE UP THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRAIN.
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nth can describe how ashamed i feel now.
wenyi yearned for just a few MORE mins on water.yet i actually yearned for e few more mins LESS.
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i wished i could be stronger n had more faith in what im doing every trng.
i wished i could stop telling myself "lihui u r still new.u still hav one more year to go.u still hav time."
i wished i could fight the mental fatigue.the sense of loss whenever i get washed n tossed ard on rough waters.
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its akin to being on a T.being washed off course by K's backwash gliding pass u.
u sweep n rudder with all ur might.
but u just cant seem to go straight.u just cant no matter how u try.
so u give up going straight.
u try to concentrate on ur strokes instead.
then u realise its ur strokes which make u not go straight.n not e backwash.
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maybe its time for me to stop finding excuses for myself whenever something goes wrong.
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....................................................................
`huiwen commented on BELIEF.
its scary how ppl start losing belief in e things they fought so hard for.
its scary how u can work so hard for ur goal n end up not even getting close to it.
n time is pressing.
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the doubt tt e senior team isnt as close as its supposed to be was kind of impactful to me.
cos all along i'd seen em as an extremely close n bonded team.
but nevertheless seniors really gained my respect.n dun we all love em=)
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anyway. i feel more uncertain now den ever.
with only 6 juniors in e team.
once nationals is over.
six means six.
no more seniors.no more blabberings.no more sharing breadnfood.no more kind words of encouragements coming frm our dear seniors.
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wad will happen to such a small team?
will all our aspirations be crushed?
will we let hCanoeing ger team be looked down upon even more?
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so many questions.so little answers.
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but wad im certain is.
WE WILL ALL FIGHT ON TILL JULY.together as a team.n nobody will give up=)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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and now i realise this turned out to be a really long entry.
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sorry if i seem incoherent with my seemingly-mindless blabbering bout canoein.
allow me e indulgence this once.
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and yeah.
i guess im a really inconsiderate galfren.
make it short-tempered. not forgetting cold n selfish.
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maybe i shouldnt hav agreed on trying out in e first place.
too reckless.too playful.too immature.
now i end up aching ur heart almost everyday.
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i look u up whenever i need u.but turn u down when u need me.
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my head tells me other things seem to take precedence over you.
n indeed sometimes dey do.
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but when i lie on my bed.all i can think of is u.
not out of guilt.not out of obligation.as u would hav believed.
but out of some part of my inner being.
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so things are fine are fine.
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REALLY=)
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its just that. im starting to take u for granted.
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n i MUST never let tt happen.i WILL not.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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so much for an emotional high strung entry.
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shall post some happy stuff bout dance night yesterday
`n sec 4 class gathering today on e class blogs.
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goodnight ppl.



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too sick n tired to say more.

today's races were a great great experience for all of us.
great disappointment for many too.

but im satisfied wid e timing though it could hav been much better if i had just gone all out n paddle.
but no point saying all tt now.

no time to study for chem test.
n this time round im really sick.
so probably wun be gg sch tmr.

get some rest n start afresh.

so many things to do.so little time.

anyway i tink i hav e nicest most understanding bf in e world!
haha.im a happy ger=D

love u!

signing off to sleepZZZzzzzzzzzzzz....

sry for e slipshod entry.
will update one wid photos soon.

take care of ur health ppl!

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