::lauren::

title:
date: Saturday, April 28, 2007
time:4:18 AM

darling melmelchong,

HAPPY BIMBOTIC 18TH birthday!!!!:D

the way u spread happiness ard,
the way u make me roll my eyes but still laugh at ur silliness,
the way u practically prance ard in machritche,
-making me wish i didnt know u,
the way u OI me in sch n suddenly send me tt bigbig smile,
the way u bring everybody together n lift up my dull spirits,

makes me wanna blog an entry for u stupid monkey.
its raining now very nice to sleep u know.
anw just so you know,
tt u're still very much LOVED BY US despite ur bimbo-nessXD

===================================
ohman...
its raining really heavily now=[
its nice to sleep in this kindda weather-
you can snuggle under the blanket n pretend tmr'll nv come.u'll nv have to wake up.
but i doubt we'll get to paddle ltr!!!!!!
i hatehatehate WASTED saturdays due to the wet weather *ROARS*

anw! i changed the blogsong=D

``So when you smile like mona lisa
my heart falls to pieces.
``('cause) smiling just can't hide
all the sadness in your eyes.
``If i could only hold you, love you like i used to.
but girl what can i do
when you smile like mona lisa.

its not the latest hit or wadsoever, but it just has this soothing sweet rhythm to it tt makes me happy:D

& i think im the last person on earth to realise the convenience of IMEEM><
haha fine call me ULU.
====================================

i made up wid my mommy alr so dun worry!
shes easily bribed by oldchangkee...
i bought a whole assortment of all the currypuff,sardinepuff,chickenwrap,yampie, sotongballs.
and her mood apparently cleared up aft eating all e sinful food=D

----------------------------------------------------------------
anyways i hadnt visited alvin's blog in a long long while.
and i saw this post of an email clar sent to him-

talking bout the distinction btw talent and effort.
issit true tt passion beats talent?
be it in sports, academics or in the workplace.
some ppl are born brillant, some not so, but put in one hell of an effort to improve himself-
yet in many instances the former is still one cut above.

and alvin was saying that many ppl ppl, including him-"to comfort ourselves, still put in effort thinking tt he will be on par, or even surpass the better person."

i feel tt its really v coldy true.
but would u rather not put in the effort, pushed yourself and put up a good fight?
i think being able to face yourself at e end of the day is wad matters the most.
you may not eventually be the BEST, but you know ur spirit is=))

and i'd almost forgotten how insightful clar is...being so busy to nv even talk much wid her though we'r in e same college><

i like her way of reminding the ppl ard her to do the right things always:

"Slowly, as u face more difficulties in life, u'll get to see more-
the inner traits of mankind, how they work under situations that pose harm to them.
Still the same note of caution:
Have u thought through wad the moral principles u will abide by in times of difficulies?
Is success more impt than these principles?
Will u forsake them to achieve ur goal?
As u proceed further in life, u'll see pple throwing away values like integrity..."

-as quoted.

and yes, we may change in future, but the basic values should nv be forsaken=D

haha, okay lah.
im not trying to be CHIM or wadever...
i just felt tt its good to reflect once in a while=D

ahh.trng soon!
shall go check my lousy phone for msgs!
hope we get to PADDDDDLEEEEE.

======================================

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title:
date: Wednesday, April 25, 2007
time:7:57 PM

i'd wanted to post a happy entry,
about how training was very effective for me today.

but now my mood is totally wrong wrong wrong.

--------------------------------------------------
parents just have this inherent ability of making you LOVE-HATE em at the same time.

yes, i know
how much they've sacrificed, how hard they worked, and how much they've given.
& for that im doing my best to fufil their expectations.

BUT i cant stand the way they stamp their AUTHORITY on certain issues unreasonably.
its totally unreasonable.

i'll accept the lecture albeit grudgingly if i really did sth wrong.
if not, obviously i'll be unhappy n talk back.

so my mommy just shouted this at me:
" 谁比较大？

就算你没有错, 我是你妈妈,

为设么不可以骂你？"

okay lorh, she wins.
她比较大。
so i shuddup n came here to rant.

but apparently its not working cause im still pissed.roars.

i wish i could just be more meek and remain silent to just let her hurl her abuse at me.
scold until shes happy.

i rest my case.

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title:
date: Sunday, April 22, 2007
time:6:42 PM

busy busy weekend,

today's programme was FUN! sunday trngs are the best=D

feels good to have sorted out my thoughts,
coping with the damn schwork, n the maths test tmr ><

went to meet shuyi for awhile, and theres this china couple frm nyp sitting directly opposite us.
piang, the two of em are so obscene,
practically petting in public.
i look and look at em, but dey still cant tame the raging inferno of passion.
when at last they when off,
me n shuyi concluded that they must have gone to the bushes=D

-----------------------------------------------
and belly, dun feel bad lahh, i just felt abit awkward standing there.
haha i think nxt time u wun ever dare use the word 'nice' agn.

alright, dinnertime!
yay.
mommy's finally cooking.tonight's moon MUST BE BLUE.

(oh &simone send me the photos please!)

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title:
date: Thursday, April 19, 2007
time:10:06 PM

JUST received a msg frm von saying that guitar clinched a GOLD!=D

my heartfelt CONGRATS to vonny n everybody who stayed in sch till 1030++ to practise!

wish that every closing of a chapter would hav a nice ending.

==========================================

wells, anw didnt go sch agn today.but was very productive.

finished complex no 2 and 3 and extra qns plus equlibrium tutorial n started on ionic & probability.

done with ac tutorial on tues=]]

finally i feel some load off my shoulders, at least now i can keep up with lessons!

========================================

HAI.

im just so moody n sulky nowsaday.

i really dun want to! hormones disorder maybe=(

and i just heard frm jnrs that gd frens tend to menstruate at the same date cause hormones actually can be transferred from one body to another EXTERNALLY.

(like jumping from her hair to yours) cool yah?

i was like.NOOO! "how can that be, u think i nv take bio before HUH!"

but the rest of em all testified that its true 0.o

haha, so ppl quick all come hug me or sth, pass me the freaking hormones!

i really need to regulate mine.

(nvm if u dun understand, insiders joke) =D

========================================

anyway, got to know our jnrs more n understand em better over this 4 mths.

neither short nor long time,

but ive got to say im really glad they stayed on to be a part of us.

HCanoe girls'':)

i know its not easy, it takes a strong mind, endurance&mentalstrength.

all the blisters, sunburns, backache, cramps.and wadeva shit.

but knowing that you've got the whole team suffering with you, will always keep u gg=D

SO DUN EVER EVER EVER quit before u see how far u can push urself to!

haha,jiayou n i'll try to be less stern during trngs=X

========================================

ah wells, tmr's another loooooong day.

lessons, chem spa, trng X)

btw,i like this photo=D

taken at PS, while waiting for our movie.

haha i think we imitated damn well can!

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title:
date: Sunday, April 15, 2007
time:4:58 PM

Had water trng today,
clocked only 8 out of the supposedly 12km.
had to rush home irresponsibly in a frenzy, without even keeping my own boat.
im so sorry girls, sorry for not telling u guys earlier tt i had to leave at 9.

felt so small & insignificant when i was shouting to haoxia tt i got to go,
and he didnt even spare me a look.
maybe he didnt hear me, and maybe he did.

was told to lap 10 km n take note of timing.
took 45 mins for 7km, meaning an average of 6.42mins for each thou.
how's tt for slow.
if haoxia dumps me to go on k1event for nwkc,
i'll not even be able to make it through the heats.

went to check out results of njcc,

Race 36 3:20 PM Women – WK1 1000m FINAL
Lane Participants Affiliate Position Timing
4 Jeanette Lek Hui Ting NYJC 1 5:02:55
6 Chu Sze Ee PJC 2 5:02:88
5 Ong Ruo Ning NYJC 3 5:03:29
3 Ong Jie Xian Lavender RP 4 5:08:23
1 Heng Ya Li Charmaine ACJC 5 5:11:50
2 Koh Hui Ling Natalie NJC Alumni 6 5:13:30

by the time everybody reaches the finishing line,
i'll still be at the 700m mark.
paddling for the'sportsmanship' n whats left of my worth.

felt so agonised as i crawled along slowly on water,
was trying to keep up a sustained dist frm yh&cm's k2...
but i just lagged behind.

forgive me for all the demoralising thoughts,
though i know the ultimate aim is k4.
but i just feel lousy&incapable.
so uncertain,
what if after 2 years, all that ive worked hard for is just...nth.

and his words "lihui is not important'' just keeps ringing in my head.
im the only one who's not impt enough to do the time trial.
it hurts okay. what will it take to press the stopwatch-start&stop?

========================================
was alr feeling downtrodden aft trng,
aching n bruised all over. yearning for some peace to my own thoughts.

and my mum had to come confront me about my results.

so i told her tt i failed everything except gp, ironically.
and i dunno what came over me,
i had to add tt i was at the bottom 4th percentile.

had expected her to lash out at me...
well she did, but barely before she grew so sad and locked herself in the bedroom.

i feel so so so rotten for inflicting that kind of disappointment i saw in those eyes.

i worked so hard to get into hwachong,
only to sink to this kind of standards.

86% of hwachongrians got an A for pw.
im one of e 14%.
not tt im particularly upset with my B....
but the fact that in relative terms, im at the bottom, again.

just makes me want to scream. to cry. to lash out.
to reach out to somebody but i couldnt find none.

=========================================
feel utterly defeated.
and the person i feel that ive let down the most,
is the person who washes plates all day long in a cramped stuffy oily place
for a mere $40 a day.
the person who gets worse wounds on her hands den my stupid blisters, which i complained non-stop about.

that day, i just realised tt
water retains under the skin n bloats up her fingers,
to twice the size that she cant barely fit the middle ring into the last finger.

and i still make her wash my jerseys n tights for me almost everyday,
cause im surviving on only one fbt n a pair of tights.
it only occurred to me tt my blisters stings when dey touch detergents,
but im too selfish to think bout how much it stings for her.

i just feel so damn fucking hateful of myself now.
==============================================

its not about meeting expectations,

its bout....

knowing that you've given up inwardly,

when some ppl out there still believes in you, but u cease to do so yourself.

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title:
date: Thursday, April 12, 2007
time:11:08 PM

HELLO!:D

been some time since i last updated this place,
so i'd better post sth before this place becomes obsolete.

anw time really zooms n flutters past me dammmmn FAST.
now its alr term 2 week 5.
and im still trapped in the whole vicious cycle while ppl are breaking out of it.

nobody's to blame but myself i guess,
funny thing is i just feel like wallowing in deeper in this misery n just curl up to die.

haha, okay lah, its not tt bad.
i just have to get my act together n get started on all e work.
sleep less play less do more, train harder.

i wanna paddle more...
but i hate being so tired aft trngs=X

=====================================
okayokay,

i finished ranting.

but i have to complain bout this pervertic retarded guy in toapayoh
who is BACKINACTION again.

hes's this 30plus yr old man who goes ard stalking school girls
terrorizing them at busstops
and his famous pickup line is "can i be your friend?".

and if u refuse to answer him he will hover ard u n kp repeating the qn a million times,
worse still if u tell him in the face NO.
he will STILL hover ard u shouting "why why why" agitatedly.

& he likes to touch himself n smile at you.
like caress suggestively.
how's that for HOT.
im so gonna puke can!PUI.

seriously im extremely thoroughly disgusted by his behaviour,
but frankly he really scared me e first time round cause he just had this crazy look in his eyes.

and aft disappearing for like 6 mths hes BACK agn.

wah F*** lah.

just hope my sister doesnt run into him.that disgusting #)@*$)*%)%.
=============================================

hai.physics spa tmr,id better go study!

shall update sth proper this weekend=]

takecare ppl!

and belly you sure u dun wan a papa?
he can teach you how to dance okay!

haha. &quick set badminton date,
this weekend possible?><

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title:
date: Friday, April 06, 2007
time:11:35 PM

The reality in sports is cruel.

It takes so much more than what it seems.
more than what i ever imagined.
more than what i fear im able to deliver.

Is wad we put in really so inadequate?
Are we really tt lackluster?
Or issit tt we haven fought hard enough?

apparently all these just isnt enough.
we thought we worked hard.
but hard just isnt good enough isnt it?

im so tired from all e fighting, all e fatigue, all e pretense in holding a strong front.

but knowing theres someone for us till the end,
&seeing everybody ard me gg through e same shit,

give me strength to go on, to push on, to believe in what i couldnt see.

but now,

we'll hav to find our own way back to faith,
fight extra hard to gain some direction,
and make sure that at e end of e day,
we end this 2 years with pride, with memories n with newfound strength.

AND WE MUST MAKE HIM PROUD OF US.

11 coaching years,

it really breaks my heart to think bout this.
just how much it took to shake the faith he once held.

we may feel terrible,
but he feels no less worse den us.

i just hope that we'll all find the answers we'r looking for in e end.
each n everyone of us.

i know they're somewhere out there.

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title:
date: Monday, April 02, 2007
time:10:42 PM

The principle is competing against yourself.
It's about self improvement, about being better than you were the day before.
steve young
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NJCC over the past saturday&sunday,
the race experience was surreal=D

canoeists from all sec schs, jcs n polys filled machritche,
colourful boats dotted the grass patches.

heard frm senior tt e canoeing scene had become much more vibrant over the past 3 years.
from only 8 k1s signing up for the event to 30 over boats from 15 over schs.
this sport really deserves more recognition=]

anyway i finally get to post pretty photos!

teammates!
cm.xy.sly.mel.partner.huiwen.me.yih.xh

with our dearest coach=]]
haoxia

K2 women's 1000m
third
my very first medal=D

group photo at e end of e day, changed n clean!

MR500
at lower seletar!

PRETTY BOATS!
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A trophy carries dust. Memories last forever.
-----------------------------------------------------------

next time you are tested in a way that seems insurmountable,

imagine what it would take to overcome it.

Become the person you need to become to triumph over your challenge

and do it in your mind first.

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